The Pseudo Submissive
Domination is something that is to be earned, not dispensed like a vending machine fix in between meetings.
As a submissive exploring this very essential part of your life, to do so without guidance and mentorship may be costing you more than the cash you’re being drained by your favorite Findom.
Submissives at their core want to serve and please a Dominant. It's about her pleasure, her needs. The act of giving in ways she wants you to. This is a patient process that takes time and discipline to master.
There has been an influx of undisciplined fetish hungry potentials who are calling themselves submissives but are actually not. They want to serve the Domme on a platter, the ways they want to be dominated. It’s not just topping from the bottom, it’s the pursuit of intense immediate gratification they’re bending themselves into human furniture for.
If a sub asking to be Mentored by me asked what he could do to make me never want to take him under my guidance and molding, these are the surefire ways of guaranteeing he’ll never be under me.
Make the rounds of “cold calls”
Subs are not salesmen working the grind of messages. This isn’t a numbers game. You’re not in your own version of The Wolf of Wall Street. Continuing to send out of the blue messages about wanting to worship and the ways you want to, just sounds like you want her to submit to you and have no interest in the actual Domme. You want immediacy. I understand how strong a drive this can be, but this approach doesn’t sit well on the throne she’s looking down on you from. You’re only showing how much work you’re going to be to the Domme who takes you on.
Make everything sexual the moment you contact them
Off the bat, be motivated by your own sexual pleasures instead of service. Send pictures or memes of interactions between Domme and sub that you want to experience before any desires of the Domme have even been discussed. Reorient the conversations into sexual areas like chastity and orgasm control that will have your specific fetish needs met instead of listening first to what she wants.
Be pushy
Say it with me. Give me ALL the Dominance. I want it and I want it NOW.
Role play being subservient when you're really focused on what gets you off. Don’t aim to have a collaborative experience where Dommes have their own needs and limits. Be into it for your own self serving reasons. What she wants doesn't matter. Let it signal to her that they’re not prepared for the true D/s connection you say you want.
Something a true submissive would know- It’s not service if the Dominant doesn’t want it.
Tell her you have no limits
“I’ll do anything,” they say. “You can do anything you want to me,” they beg.
She asks what feeds you at your core and you respond with “everything”. Pseudo subs just want to be a blank canvas out of fear that she’ll stop talking to them or worse yet, haven’t taken the time to know their own mind.
Have zero sense of boundaries
This also makes for angry pseudo subs down the line. Without boundaries they’ll go through a lifetime of rejection and mistreatment. The moment one tells me they have none, my stiletto boots turn south. People without boundaries aren’t safe to dominate. They think that the only way to please a Domme is by being as pliant as possible just so they don’t have to negotiate limits; a dark ingredient for abuse.
Without boundaries, there’s nothing for the Domme to push in order to create resilience and growth.
Confuse submission with passivity
These are not the same things. It also gives pseudo subs the excuse to not actually get to know themselves and be introspective regarding their needs and desires and they think it will allow them to coast through a D/s relationship and through scenes without having to be an active participant. It’s lazy. Being submissive doesn’t mean being mindless. We might just completely take it over ;)
Be needy for constant contact
Unless this has been a request from the Domme directly, too much contact can lead to burn out. This also reflects the tendency of being emotionally dependent. Needing constant praise and being involved with everything and not able to be separated by gaps of time and space, will only create unwelcome mental space and even guilt for your Domme. The last thing you want is for her to look at yet another message from you and have her cringe with annoyance.
Show that you can’t follow simple instructions
Whatever you do, don’t stick to rules and expectations given, even if they’re to establish boundaries for the Domme, such as where or when to message her. Then, absolutely overstep her boundaries even more by messaging her on every platform you can because you haven’t heard from her in a day in an attempt to gain her attention.
Be overdependent on using submission as a substitute for adulthood
Pseudo subs don’t know how to think for themselves. They haven’t matured or learned to think critically, to survey their surroundings and take time to get to know and trust a dominant before giving them partial and then full reign. They aren’t proactive. They expect the Domme to tell them what to think, what to do and how to do it at all times. It’s a submissive’s role to make the Dominant’s life easier but it only gives her more work to do (not even a whip or a cane in sight!) when, with every half inch you need to be told what to do and how.
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Without being an active participant, Dommes will find you to be a boring empty shell they won’t play with for very long.
The bigger point is that these behaviors are a reflection of how immediate gratification has become the norm in culture and not only is it accepted, but also expected. It has affected a large crop of submissives discovering and exploring their true nature. They let their need for the now to run roughshod. Always on the chase, looking for that next shiny new Domme to engage with that they find appealing at the time, instead of courting one they believe they can actually learn how to be submissive from, as chasing the quick release, while scatterbrained, matters to them more.
The focus on themselves and putting themselves first has become the end all and be all of pseudo submissives.
True submission is quite the opposite of that. It is zoned in attention, purpose and service towards another. An important part of being submissive is using the gifts you already have and enhancing them to serve the Domme most. In return, the submissive finds fulfillment. It is the journey towards altruism that becomes the kind of growth that is incomparable and it is the one that satisfies the Dominant the most.
Everyone who is submissive at their core has the capacity to connect to it and allow themselves to be led as their traits and qualities are magnified by her. The journey into true submission requires humility and yielding to mentoring and molding. It is listening to protocol, learning decorum, comportment and dignity as you engage in self growth and discipline. It is accepting feedback when it is given and reflecting on it, while understanding that it is given in care. Trust me, if the Domme doesn’t care about the submissive, most times she will not bother to correct you.
Discarding the need for the immediate for the savory slow dance of true capitulation is the crucial first step for those who want to live and practice their submissive purpose. It is the fight against your ego that you will learn to overcome. If you are starting out, this is the conversation you can have with the Dominant you pursue. As a Mentor Femdom, who focuses on the growth of the submissives under my boot and protection, this would increase my interest in developing the connection that would entice me to sculpt and fuel you with purpose, struggle, and finally fulfillment. It is the true way.
Are you ready to go from pseudo to the palpable and purpose filled submissive you were meant to be?
